[Professional Milkmaid Sansui Zi] Is this the way to say goodbye to the ocean I've loved all my life?

I really want to cry. I've always loved the ocean since I was a kid.
When I was a kid, my parents used to take me to the beach in a nearby city on vacation.
I went to college in a coastal city.
From time to time, I rode a motorcycle and took my sisters to the beach.
When I was in my junior year of college, I signed up for scuba diving because of a question about whether or not you have the courage to become one of the few percent of divers in the world.
Later on, I worked and studied half-time and saved up more than 10,000 dollars to study scuba diving.
I've been certified as a Rescue Diver.
I always said that I'd have the time to take the exam later, and then I'd go to the DM to brush the cylinders.
After that, I ended up like this, I don't know if I will have the chance to dive or even choke in the sea like I used to do.
I always talk about the future, but in the end, I can't realize my dream.